Truly, I Am

I sit listening

not wishing to disrupt

or be noticed.

A physical ghost,

walking about noiseless

terrifying when recognized

for what I truly am.

Is it better to hide?

A shadow of what once was

to enable what truly is? 

Or am I truly a lie,

a fiction to myself,

unable and unwilling

to contribute

to them;

to me.

I sit listening, 

wondering if this is how

I and we

are meant to be.

I put my foot down on

I put my foot down

on this shaky teeter-totter

called friendship;

brotherhood;

Love.

I teeter

you totter

we move to balance

you refuse.

You step off,

anger, anguish, fear

all justifications.

This is my fault.

I put us on the teeter-totter.

I removed the stabilizer.

I unhinged our calm. Our resolution.

I plunged us into uncertainty

and painful effort

to remain constant and steady

and not lose sight of what is most important:

Us.

But now you refuse. I ask too much.

I demand consideration of my burden.

How could I have been so foolish;

to think

that you might consider.

For, as you cleverly retort,

I know The Way, your way.

The burden of proof is on me.

And you walk away,

your teeter in the air,

my totter sinking into the suffocating mud.

I refuse to apologize.

I guess we’ll both sink

in our own shit.